I stood before Him.  I knew this much, that I had a love for Him that would allow me to do whatever He asked.  I knew the task ahead was difficult.  In fact He asked me, while standing facing me.  “Are you sure you are prepared to do this?  It will not be easy!”  He looked at me.  He gave me a choice.  He had chosen me to do something for Him.  At the time my purpose was clear, but I was fully aware that I would most likely forget all of what stood so clearly in front of me at that very moment.  Being born does that.  I smiled at Him, so proud to be chosen by One as great as Him.

“Yes, I am sure!” I answered with the full knowledge that only my love for Him would remain after I was born.  I knew that would be enough!  And so I was sent.

The two things remained with me from my birth.  My intense love for Him and a knowledge I was chosen……for what? I had no idea.

During the early months one other memory is also very clear.  I begged my mother not to kill me.  My termination was being spoken of.  I could hear everything.  I was apparently only 3 months into my 9 month incubation.  But I understood everything.  I made my mother a promise.  I begged her that if she allow me to live, I would never give her a day’s trouble.  I would be good. “I promise mommy!”  My dads legal guardian was prompting my mother to terminate her pregnancy saying she was too young.  I heard.  I understood.  I pleaded!

My mother loved me already and refused to have me aborted.  Thank you mom.

And so was born this tiny little girl, already fearful of the world as her life had been threatened so early.  I was very sensitive.  Unfortunately , sensitivity has two sides.  Like a two edged sword.  You are sensitive to unkind things done to you but also to being able to hear the Father.  The task ahead was how to keep the one side alive while not being killed by the other!  The one had the ability to destroy the other.

And so began my journey.

My womb experience remained with me all my life.  I can still see what it was like in the womb.  I used to return to that space as a little child to go to sleep.  It was my place of safety.  It was where I was comfortable and protected.  It was the closest I could get to being in front of Him again.  This world I was born into did not make me feel safe…ever.

 

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